Unread Letters to self 1

Well, this is all about me. This is the most truthful attempt to sort reality from fantasy. This is the closest I can have to a diary. I am afraid that nobody will read you. On the other hand, I am quite thankful also. It would really freak me up if somebody reads what's in my mind. LOL.

To tell you the truth, I am a narcissist. It is as it always was the story of my life. I KNOW that there is interconnectivity in our life. But I guess that is the failure of any human being to recognize their self-worth in context of a greater plan, a plan way better than theirs. Maybe that's what destiny is, or in Paulo Coelho's words, "the soul of the world". I don't really know, or understand. I don't really get what our worth as a human being is. Do you believe in God? Destiny is always tied up with that question. Most believers associate faith with fate. And those who do not believe in destiny discard that there is the Divine.

This question has been brought up by Fr. Kedu in one of his religion classes. "What is freedom?"

I wonder what really freedom is. How can you decide about your fate if there is a pre-destined destiny that awaits you? (I hope that made sense)

What my supposition was at that time was that there is freedom. There is always a choice and it's up to you to decide, but the Author already knows your answer to that choice. After all, It was He who made you, the circumstances about you, the conflict that hinders you. Imagine that you are a character in one of His tales, He knows you more than you know yourself. He made you, He made your story and He know how and when to end it.

But that character is faced with questions, with circumstances and it was the character who chose, who picked. But the author knew how the character should react or answer. It was the Author who speaks in the words of his characters. It was the Author that moves with those characters. It was His story, it is your story. It is about you and no, it wasn't all about you.

You see, in a tale made by a human creator, A story is at most 2D- 2 dimensional. It can only be told a one point of view at one time, a minor character do this and do that for the sake of the main story which is about the main characters only. Because that's how we view things. We can be really narcissists. The story is all about me. And every other elements functions for the main story, for the main character's story. And that is the failure of a human being.

But it is different with God's tale called LIFE. No one is the main character, or rather; we are all the main characters. Each one is an element that works for another because life is a chain or a domino. We were created for the story of each other. We support each other- sometimes in an antagonistic way- but we make up each other's story nonetheless. That's why we are alive, because we still have a role to play for one another. I hope I am doing my role.

That's all for today. Thank you for the wisdom.

Love Lots,
MC

A Fairy Tale

There was once an Alchemist who was famous for turning lead into gold.

A curious girl decided one day that she should see the alchemist and learn from him.

He joined a group of disciples who are learning from the alchemist.
All of which came from different parts of the country and thus there is no language that can unite them, and they cannot talk with each other.
There is a language they all understood, the one spoken by the Alchemist,But no matter how they try nobody can communicate using that language.


Everyday, she went to the house of the Alchemist to learn.
Within the lecture, She did not speak to anyone, except with the Alchemist.

The Alchemist was young, much younger that you can imagine, for he is just 7 years older than she.
And he has an infectious smile that always greeted her; He cheered and encourage her when she can't do anything that he taught her.
He would exchange witty jokes with her, and before she knew it.
She was deep in love with her Master.

But he didn't know. She couldn't let him know; She kept it all for herself.
And she was jealous when he is with any other woman. but she kept it all inside.

and before anybody notice, She has turned lead into gold.
And he felt she no longer needed him.
and he asked her not to attend his lessons anymore.
and she agreed so she wouldn't envy anyone again for she knows,
it was sinful to hate anyone that has done nothing wrong to her.

She wanted to hug him for the first and last time.
but her heart beated so fast and she turned away without any ado.

But she misses him.... even now...

but that was the end of the story.
***********************************************

A typical fairy tale ends in a happy ending. Do you want to know why? Because we want to believe in them, in happy endings.
So that the hope that is instilled into us grows, before real-life experiences destroy it.
So it will grow roots to hold itself against the storm.

but I give up.

Even though I still miss him...

REACTION?

I swear, I am not an activist, I am not one of the so-called leftists, that barks at every move of the government.
I did not join any rally prior to this one.

But it really saddens me (infuriates me, rather) to see how people react badly at this issue. Why?

Have you ever tried walking down the halls of PGH?
Have you ever seen a patient,whose internal organ is exposed, waiting patiently in line, hoping to be admitted, at least before he passed out?
(PGH shares its budget with UP-Manila)

And yes. We walked out of class, we walked out of the comforts of our classroom. (if there is anything comfortable there).
Shouting, even if no one is listening; fighting even if there is no honor to be chased. We fight for our existence.

Who would want to go out in the sun, walking tirelessly, when we could just go home and sink to our books?
Who would want to shout when everything we say will be faced with a deafening silence?
Who would want to fight, when there's no reward to face after the war; when there's nothing but criticism at the end of the day?

But we did walk, we did shout, we did fight,

bearing in mind the days, when we are in our chemistry laboratories, recycling some used litmus paper;
in our biology classes, when we have to use some washed Wilkins bottles as an improvised spirometers;
in our history classes, a class of 40 students squeezes themselves inside a classroom that is smaller than your average CR.
in our libraries, where the newest book editions were the ones published 10 years ago.

Yes, we refuse to be silenced, but that is what school has been teaching us ever since- to fight for what we think is right.

Yes, we may have thrown away the times that should have been used to study/work. But we compensate for it. We are studying double the time, so we may prove our worth as your beneficiaries.
(In fact, I've stayed up the whole night trying to finish the reading assignments to compensate for the class hours that we've lost.) We study, we try to work it out, we've tried to improvise, Ipinagsisiksikan hangga't kaya. We babble, but we are working it out also.

By this, are we making ourselves some ingrateful bastards, who knows nothing 'bout to complain and shout on the streets?

Yes, we are privileged. UP has been the "University of the Privileged", but since when?
Budget cuts translates into TOFIs (Tuition and Other Fees Increase), and TOFIs translates into student population of those "privileged enough to pay".

We are destroying the country?! think.
If the studentry of the SUC's will be composed only of those who can pay, do you think the poor people, like me, will have any chance to chase for our dreams?
Did you think this country has any chance to alleviate its present condition?
We know nothing but to babble. maybe.

If you really think it's wrong to ask for more budget allocation for education, where would you rather place the budget from your taxes?

Look, please, look, at where the budget is going; where your money is going.
Yes, the army needs more guns and bullets than we need our books and classrooms.

It makes me sad. It really does.

Falling Stars

“When you forget me
When you don’t remember my name
Not even a memory
Somewhere in the back of your brain
I won’t be offended
‘Cause I always knew that the day
Would come when I’m not enough to make you stay”

-Falling Stars
(David Archuleta)

I recently bought David Archuleta’s album, The Other Side of Down. I personally thought his songs now, compared to his debut album- David Archuleta, are more personal. I close my eyes and I could feel him talking to me. I don’t know about you, but his songs make me feel like I’ve known him fully. Maybe it’s the use of “you”; it’s like conversing with him.

Have you tried listening to “Falling Stars” or “My Kind of Perfect” or “Something ‘bout Love”? That’s to proving my point.

In conversing with you, he makes you ponder on the lyrics, thus, inspiring you. I mean, it inspires me, I don’t know about you (again).

I miss David Archuleta. Not that I’ve known him personally, but I miss being his fan, I miss visiting his fan sites more often than I visit my Facebook. I miss playing “Barriers” and “Desperate” when I’m hopeless; “You Can” and “Angels” when I daydream. I miss staring at his face on the album cover when I’m not doing anything. I miss waiting patiently for his new video blog every other day.

I miss being a fan.

David, I’m glad you came here to remind me of how enticed I am when you sing. I know you don’t know me. I practically drowned in the sea of your fans when you sang at sky dome, but that doesn’t change anything, I am a fan again. After two years, it’s your album that’s playing on repeat.

I sing because of you.

If ask what must be my absolute favorites song on the album, I’d say it’s “My Kind of Perfect”. It’s so dreamy and sincere. When you listen to it, you’ll feel like it’s just you, David and his piano. And if you’re a dreaming Cinderella, you might just imagine yourself being his “kind of perfect”.

“Falling stars” makes you feel David is saying goodbye. It made me cry. It really did! It made me feel guilty that I’ve been ashamed of being his fan. I hate those two years in college, where I always deny that I’m still a fan. I’m back.

And I didn’t forget you. I just pretended that I did.
I remember your name, your smile, and your songs.
Every memory is treasured and intact.
Your songs are enough to make me stay.
Yes, we will stay.
You’ll always be my star; you’ll never fall out again.

Isang byahe sa fx

Life is a ride. Naks! Ganda ng simula no? Bweno, ito ay post mula sa isang byahe sa fx.

Syempre, dahil walang masakyan, kahit siksikan, ipagpipilitan. Minsan, ganito sa totoong buhay, you have to push through, kahit ano pang mangyari. Minsan effort lang natin yung kailangan para magawa natin yung gusto natin. Kailangang makipagsiksikan kung baga.

Ang problema kasi, mataba ako. (I'd like to believe na hindi naman masyado).. Eh syempre, dahil, siksikan nga, at mataba ka, you will have to face the stern looks of the people around you. Parang sinasabing "wag ka na!!"o kaya "sikip na nga, sisiksik ka pa?". Pero minsan you have to ignore what other people say or think about you. You have to think selfishly (minsan lang naman!) para may marating ka nman sa buhay mo.(kung hindi, ehh di baka, di ako makakauwi di ba?)

so, ayun, on with the ride. Bumaba yung nasa tabi ko. (yay!) lumuwag! Yay! So habang wala pa akong katabi, sinasamantala ko yung pagrerelax. Take advantage of what you have or rather, UTILIZE it. Ito ay synonymous din, with, grab every opportunity that comes to you, you'll never know if the same luck comes twice.

So, ayun, tumigil yung sasakyan, may sumakay ulit. Sumikip na naman. This time, I plastered a smile on my face. It could be the time to look stern, and take a revenge. Pero sabi nga ng pinaka-gasgas na quote na alam ko, "do not do unto others, what you do not want others do unto you"

tapos napigtas yung tsinelas ko, (okay malas ko na talaga). Pero wala ehh, You have to be cool about things, hindi naman kasalanan ng tsinelas mo kung maputol man siya, di ba?

Nakatulog naman ako, kaya wala akong masyadong nakita, minsan kasi, "you have to keep your eyes open", because, you may not want to miss a thing. LOL.

So ayun nakababa na ko. Haha.. All of these things were typed inside the fx, la lang! :))

This speech was delivered by a La Sallian engineer in one of the graduation ceremonies at the UP College of Engineering.

Ngayong araw na ito, sa ating pagtatapos, mayroon akong dalang Transcript of Record. Ang estudyanteng may-ari ng transcript na ito ay nag-aral sa De La Salle University. Sa unibersidad na ito, kapag ikaw ay isang undergraduate, may ID number ka na nagsisimula sa “94” at pataas, kung lumipas ang isang buong school year at umabot ka sa 15 units na bagsak, masisipa ka sa paaralan.



Ang transcript na hawak ko ay mayroong 27 units ng bagsak. 12 sa mga ito ay tinamo ng estudyante sa iisang schoolyear lang. Ang isang subject ay kadalasang may bigat na 3 units. Kung iisiping mabuti, isang subject na bagsak na lang ay pwede na masipa ang estudyanteng may-ari ng transcript na ito.


Ang speech na ito ay hindi ko ginawa para i-acknowledge ang paghihirap ng ating mga magulang sa pagpapaaral satin. Hindi ko din ito ginawa para maghayag ng political statement, o kumbinsihin kayo na huwag umalis sa bansa at tulungan itong makaahon. Ang speech na ito ay para sa mga normal na estudyante na kagaya ng may may-ari ng transcript na hawak ko, dahil madalas, wala talagang pakialam ang unibersidad sa mga achievements nila. May mga awards na gaya ng “Summa Cum Laude”, “Best Thesis Award” at “Leadership Award.” Pero ni minsan, hindi pa ako nakakakita ng unibersidad na nagbigay ng “Hang-on and managed to graduate despite nearly getting kicked-out during his academic stay” award.


Maaaring isang malaking kagaguhan ang konseptong ito para sa karamihan. Bakit mo pararangalan ang isang estudyanteng bulakbol, bobo, tamad o iresponsable? Hindi ba dapat isuka ito ng unibersidad? Ito yung mga tipo ng estudyanteng walang ia-asenso sa buhay, hindi ba?


Ayun. Natumbok niyo.Iyun na nga ang dahilan.


Madalas, pag ang isang estudyante ay may pangit na marka sa paaralan, lalong lalo na sa kolehiyo, nakakapanghina ito ng loob. Nandiyan yung tatamarin ka mag-aral, nandyan yung iisipin mo “Ano pa kayang trabaho ang makukuha ko? Call center na naman o clerical? Ba’t kasi ang bobo ko. Kung matalino lang ako, sana, sa Proctor and Gamble ako, o kung saang sikat na kumpanya.”


Mas mahirap ang dinadaanan ng mga estudyanteng bumabagsak. Kahit na sabihin mong kasalanan nilang bumabagsak sila, hindi ninyo alam kung ano ang pakiramdam ng ganun. Madaling sabihin na “Kaya mo yan, mag-aral ka lang,” pero alam ba natin talaga ang sinasabi natin?


Kapag ang isang estudyante ay bumabagsak sa unibersidad, nandiyan yung tatawanan niya lang yan. O di kaya naman, ipagmamalaki niya pang “TAKE 5 NA KO!!!” o “Pare, magpi-PhD na ako sa Anmath3/Calculus/etc.” Pero hindi alam ng mga isang Summa Cum Laude kung ano ang nasa isip ng isang normal na estudyante sa tuwing matutulog ito at alam niyang pag-gising niya, kailangan niya na namang ulitin ang isang subject na nakuha niya na sa susunod na term.


Kahit kalian, hindi naging problema sa “Star Student” na sabihing “Nay, bagsak ako.” at hindi kailanman sumagi sa isip nila na “Paano kaya kung sa walang-pangalang kumpanya lang ako makapagtrabaho?” Dahil sigurado sila sa kinabukasan nila.


Huwag na tayong maglokohan. Grades are everything. Kahit bali-baligtarin mo iyan, hindi magiging patas ang mga kumpanyang kumukuha ng fresh graduates para magtrabaho sa kanila. Minsan din naman, nadadaan sa palakasan, pero ganun pa din. Kung hindi ka academically good, wala kang patutunguhan. Kung hindi man yun, mas mahirap yung dadaanan mo para lang makaabot sa prestihiyosong posisyon.


Kaya ngayong graduation, ang speech na ito ay inaaalay ko para sa mga estudyanteng lumagpak, muntik-muntikan nang masipa o yung sa lahat ng paraang pwede, ginawa na para lang makatapos. Gagawin kong patas ang mundo para sa inyo kahit isang araw lang. Kahit ano pa ang sabihin ng ibang tao, kesyo kasalanan mo man na pangit ang marka mo o muntik ka nang makick-out, saludo ako sa hindi mo pagtigil sa pag-aaral. Saludo ako na may lakas ka ng loob na harapin pa rin ang mundo kahit alam mong hindi ito magiging patas sa iyo. Saludo ako na kahit pangit ang transcript mo, taas noo ka pa rin ngayong graduation at proud na proud sa sarili mo.


Ano ngayon ang mangyayari sa mga graduates pagkatapos nitong graduation? Ayoko nang puntahan yung pwedeng mangyayari sa mga Cum Laude. Baduy. Alam mo namang may patutunguhan ang buhay nila e. Pero dun sa mga lumagpak, ano ang meron?


Maaring makakuha kayo ng mediocre na trabaho lang. Pwede ka rin swertehin, baka makapagtrabaho ka sa magandang kumpanya. Madami pang pwedeng mangyari. Huwag kayong mawalan ng pag-asa. Kung nung college, nagtiyaga kayo e ba’t titigilan niyo yung pagti-tiyaga ngayon?


Pwede ring ganito: Mag-aral ka ulit. Ipakita mo sa kanila na kung sisipagin ka lang, malayo ang mararating mo. Subukan mong patunayan sa kanila na kapag pinilit mo, kaya mo ring abutin yung naabot nila. Na hindi ka bobo, kundi tinamad ka lang.


Baka sabihin ninyo, drowing lang ako.


I’ve been on both sides. Naranasan ko na ring lumagpak, at muntikan na din akong masipa. Naranasan ko na ang umulit ng 4 na beses sa iisang subject. Naranasan ko na ang masumbatan ng magulang, kapatid at kung sino-sino pang propesor na walang pakialam sa pakiramdam ng estuyante. Naranasan ko nang hindi makatulog ng maraming gabi sa pagiisip kung paano ko na naman sasabihin sa magulang ko na may bagsak na naman ako. Kaya alam ko ang pakiramdam ninyo.


Akin ang transcript na ito.


Pagkagraduate ko ng college, ano ang ginawa ko? Eto. Nagtrabaho muna ng konti, tapos aral ulit. Kuha ng Masteral sa kurso ko. Hindi para sa trabaho o kung ano man. Kundi para patunayan sa sarili ko na noong mga panahong bumabagsak ako, tinatamad lang ako.


This is a rebellion. I raise my middle finger to every professor, over-achiever, naysayer and detractor THAT TOLD ME THAT I CAN'T MAKE IT. I raise my middle finger to every valedictory or graduation speech that only gratifies the university, those who were achievers in school or those who gratify the country when it’s supposed to be the graduate’s moment of glory. You are supposed to acknowledge EVERYONE. Even those who failed many times.


Kaya sa inyong mga graduates na medyo hindi maganda ang marka, para sa inyo ito. Kung kinaya ko ito, kaya niyo rin to. Imposibleng hindi.

(DISCLAIMER! THIS IS NOT MY SPEECH BUT I HAVE TO REBLOG IT BECAUSE IT WAS QUITE COOL)

Random, unedited thoughts.

Haix, let me breath and just talk and talk about whats on my mind. I just hope that what I'll be saying will make sense, because at this point in time, nothing makes sense for me...

1. I want to empty my mind.

Sometimes, I wish I were crazy, or sick with a disease that will not let me think. How I wish I do not worry about any thing at all. I do not want to remember, but I do not want to forget either. (I told you, this won't make any sense). I want not to worry about anything, because, I'm tired. I'M FREAKIN' WEARY!! Can I just die? I wan't this to end now, I'm afraid to see my life, going down the drain.

2. Yeah... Love.

Sheeez, I hate talking about this, because I'm afraid,. Yeah! I'm afraid of love... No, I mean, I'm afraid of rejection... I've always wanted to hug you; to comfort you when you are tired; to cry with you when you need to cry. I've always wanted to tell you that you are the one who keeps pushing (and pulling) me when I'm tired, so that I can continue to move. but I can't.. I can't. So, yeah, love, yeah!

3. Friends?

Friendships requires emotional investments. When I make friends, I make real friends. I am so disappointed with what college turns out to be. You're friends now, tomorrow, you're not.. I want real friends. So thank you, JOY, MARK, and MARVIN.. Please, continue to be what you are...

I wonder if anybody reads this at all,..

Ne~!

College friendships

College days seems to pass so fast.
(sigh)
and so are the people in college.

I don't know but, lately, I've been acquiring and losing new friends. I guess that is college. I guess it is not a venue for creating lifelong friendships. I don't know. I really don't.

People seems to be close to you. You gets too emotionally attached. Semester ends, you feel alone, dispatched. You wonder if something is wrong with yourself and decided to blame yourself for it, then change for the better. Then, another semester comes, same thing happens. You wake up and say, "Hey, It's not my fault anymore!!"

I don't know. I really don't.

Dear friends, the semester's is drawing to close. Are we going to say goodbye and fade away, drift away from each other?

I hope not.

******************************************************

Drama na naman... XD

hunger*

My soul wanders from its shell
from its windows, it search it tells
a story unheard from the shadows
it lurks, it stalks, it follows...

You. The scene outside is ever changing
as the season is, summer, winter, autumn and spring
You're here, you walk away, you pass, you stay
the season's a cycle, you? it hurts, but nay!

I wonder how it feels to hold you near,
when the horizon, your dreams are here
when your dreams come true before your eyes
to feel your warmth that thaws the ice.

But only my eyes can hold your hand,
only my gaze can touch your face, land
of dreams that grows into despair
what is made, is destroyed. Life is unfair!

In my sleep, I shall see you again
In the reality, what is for me? pain
pain when I feign, aches of emptiness
ponders for the absent, longs for fulfillness

*****************************************************
I made this one (unintentionally) at Luneta park...

Buhay ng Bio student

Ang buhay ng bio student? hmmm...

Siguro, para sa akin lang,

mahirap,..

katulad ko bumagsak na, hindi talaga madali.

parang feeling mo lagi kang inii-stretch sa limit mo. hanggang feeling mo, isa kang rubber band na dating elastic, naging plastic na kahihila. parang pagkatapos mong ma outrun yung sarili mo, kailangan mong tumayo ulit at i-outrun ulit yung record mo. goodness! nakakapagod.

Minsan nga, napapaisip ako kung sapat na ba na compensation na nalalaman ko, how things work around me. Why do flowers bloom, or how does a fish breathe?
sapat na ba na kabayaran sa ilang araw ng pagpupuyat yung malaman mo ang difference ng embolism, thrombism, at atherosclerosis?

hindi siguro.... pero para sakin, sapat na YATA yung intrinsic worth na naiibigay nung mga kaalaman na yun.


Masaya.

Masaya, pag nakikita mo na nagtitilian sila sa paghawak ng palaka;

pag nagjojoke kayong magkakaklase tungkol sa bio, at feeling ninyo kayo lang ang nakakaintindi nung joke ninyo;

Masaya,

pag malungkot ka tapos icocomfort ka ng mga Blockmates mong mag malala pa ang problema kaysa sayo;

pag umulan, tapos naririnig mong tumutunog ang vocal sacs ng mga male frogs na naghahanap ng mate;

pagdumaan ka sa tindahaan ng mangga at sinabi mong pakitanggal nga po ng pericarp;

pag nanood ka ng concert at sinabi mong, "nasa pith nga si Lady gaga at ako ay nasa may cork cambium na."

marami pa akong pwedeng ilagay kaso, over naman na sa haba.

What I want to say is...

Masaya, Masaya talaga.

Random unedited thoughts

Hmmm... okay. This is not so much of the best day in my life.

I woke up, (Same old boring me =]) feeling dizzy, and sick. So, I decided against going to class, because, it's laboratory and I would not be so much of a help to my Lab partner.

I promised to make a better student out of me, yet I failed again. hmmmp.

I know it is not suppose to be my fault, but I guess, in college, we are expected to go, even if it rains or snow. It is not as strict as how it was in High School, but we know it all the same.
*stands up, looks up the sky and laughs out loud*

Atashii Gambaru~!!!

Enough of the bitterness and allow me to post some happy things that happened to me this past few days. and some insights if it's okay.

~ I thought Mr. Hallare will give me a Zero for my Bio Lec exam, because of my pure stupidity. I actually brought the exam questionnaire with me and it's a fair ground for giving me a 0 or a failing mark.

but He Didn't. so I would like to thank, Mr. AV Hallare, for the chance.
and also, God. Lord, I am so much thankful. You never fail to answer my prayers. I love you.

It is really easy to appreciate things when it happens when you least expect it to. I really thought it was the end of me so I was so much happy when I really did get by.... YAY!

A poem Again*

Eto ay tula na naman..
*******************************************
Try

Words are lost, or the words lost you?
It ne'er leaves the pen, writers do
The feeling lingers, and your fingers
knew you missed it too
Yet, where are you?

Has the curse been lifted? Is it gone?
Sheets of paper, Words, it has none
The ugly traffic made terrific
by the poems you've done
Yet, Where did you run?

You know the path, you know the place
The world, the game, how it amazes
Where distort is comfort
and lines are solace
Yet, Where are those days?

Shall I blame the pen, Shall I? Shall I?
Shall you kiss the world of words goodbye?
I hope not, I hope that
Someday, again, you'll soar, you'll fly
So, Again, I'll ask, Where? Why?

A poem

Farewell

Before I leave, I ask of you
.......To keep the flowers, the stars
.......The twinkle in your eyes
.......To let go, yet hold on
.......To move without moving on

Before I leave, I ask of you
.......To look up, to dream, to believe
.......Sometimes, It doesn't hurt to be naive
.......Walk past me, yet stay behind
.......So I could leave without leaving you behind

Before I leave, I ask of you
.......To continue to try, to aspire
.......For with your dreams, you inspire
.......To cry and cheer up
.......Tear up, without tearing up

Before I leave, I ask of you
.......To sing a song, Dance to a tune
.......To stay with me, laugh until noon
.......For me to keep something before breaking down
.......For me to fall, without falling down

But alas! I'll go, and could not tell you these,
I am but the air, passing by, Notice!
My stay is a bubble, so short a bliss,
I cry, I go, I leave, Miserably- abyss!

______________________________________________________

haha... Hmmm... this is what you do when you are alone, with nothing to do. while everyone seems to enjoy their vacation...

hmmmm....

For You*

I know it's not like me, posting things like this;
But yeah... I'm posting it... hahaha...
This is my first non-emo post. Yay!

______________________________________________________

For you*

I know you're hurting still,
I know, it really hurts to feel,
But to feel is to accept what's real,
Oblivion can't close a wound, can't heal

Please stop remembering-forget
Stop pitying thyself-regret
The limit you, yourself, have set
leave it here, move away, escape

She's happy now and you?
You're sad, you cry, you do
Still caught in the web, mem'ry sew
You smile, yet your pain, I knew

If you need someone, I'm here
If you need help, I'm near
No matter where I am, your pleas, I'll hear
Forget the past, hold my hand, do not fear

I do not ask for anything at all,
not a glance, not a look, not your heart on a wall
only, for you to heal, move on, be free to fall
My dear, if in that, you need help, I'm here, just call

___________________________________________________________


hahaha... okay, ang noob ko. don't laugh please!
Hmmmm... okay let me cross-out what I said that this is not emo.
hahaha... well, I don't know what to say anymore

P.S. I am so proud of you, my laptop.. you tried to and worked again for the last time (hopefully not).

A voice

I know, I should not blog because, I cannot maintain an account. (I update this blog yearly?) But really, I would like to blog. I would like to be heard.

A blog is a voice.

I know why I made a blog in the first place. It was envy. I envy people who are heard, listened to (I would want to be a singer, if only I do not have this crooked voice. XD)

I envy those people who string words to form sentences; those who sew sentences into paragraphs; those who use those paragraphs to state what they want to say. I do not have the best pen. I do not even have the best command of the language. Simply speaking, I am not the best.

As I always say, I am ordinary. How ordinary could I get? Average?... No, less than average.

I wonder if somebody reads this blog at all. I know, it is plain stupidity to post a blog that is not read, but like a dying person, crying, shouting for help in an isolated forest, loud and desperate; knowing that there is only a slim chance of being heard, they gamble, anything for life!

I'll take the chance. I'll write. I'll shout desperately. A blog is a voice and THIS BLOG IS MY VOICE. I shall not wither.

I want to speak and I shall wait for the time, that time, when somebody will listen... Till that time....